Sadness and Depression

I've always been a "wallflower". Ever since I was a little girl, I've been referred to as timid, shy, withdrawn, introverted.....I remember at the age of 4, one Sunday after the church service was over, I was the last person left in my Sunday School classroom. I recall becoming so riddled with panic and anxiety that I nearly made myself sick crying. The teacher stood out in the hall with me as I waited for my mother to come and pick me up. Growing up was painful as a "wallflower". Society makes it painful because children are labeled and are made to think that there is something wrong with not standing out in the crowd. There simply isn't anything wrong with wanting to stand on the sidelines and be an observer. One can learn an awful lot keeping his mouth shut and his eyes and ears open. Some of the most creative people are wallflowers. Sadly, wallflowers also have a tendency toward depression. It is lonely sometimes and the stigma is painful. I went through some pretty rough patches of depression growing up. These last few years I have suffered from severe depression, which is why I've been absent from blogging.

I'm thankful I'm a Christian, though many times, I've felt abandoned by Him over the last few years. I know I have many prayer warriors who have covered me (and continue to cover me) with their prayers. Sometimes, when one is sad and depressed, it's hard to even conjure up the energy to pray. I'm trusting that He will take care of me...He has thus far, after all.